Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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