well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
