Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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