did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am available for nakedness
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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