I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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