His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
