dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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