remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
