I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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