how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
