3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can't just leave with hair like that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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