this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And then he peed in my hair
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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