I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
false alarm, still single
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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