the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize