in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.