thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
