I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.