So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.