Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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