hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
