She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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