your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
