I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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