I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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