He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I touched a dick in church today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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