i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize