i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
