just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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