I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox