I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.