If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.