Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?