My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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