When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
