But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
