There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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