he shaved USA in his pubs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
