in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
