Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize