Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
