Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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