Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
