i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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