Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
