I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
