with your own penis?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
