My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
