I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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