just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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