in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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