I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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