I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
