Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
