Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize