they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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