I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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