Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was CRYING into my vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
